Why "Should" Is Wrecking Your Parenting

If I had a dollar for every time I heard a parent say, "They should know better," I'd be retired already.

Here's the truth nobody tells you:

"Should" is a fantasy. Reality is what you have to parent.

I learned this the hard way one afternoon while talking with another mom.

She was venting about her son.

"I’ve told him a thousand times not to do that," she said. "He should know by now!"

I asked her,

"Do you really think the 1001st time is going to make a difference?"

She paused.

Then she said it—the phrase that exposes the trap so many parents are stuck in:

"...Well, it should."

There it was. The trap wide open.

She was waiting for the magic moment when repeating herself would finally fix the behavior — instead of facing the reality that what she was doing wasn't working.

Reflection: "Should" Is a Comfort Fantasy — Not a Strategy

We love "should" because it’s easy.

• They should listen.

• They should behave.

• They should just get it by now.
  

But should isn't a plan.

It’s not a teaching method.

It’s not even reality.

It’s a hope — and hope is not a strategy when you're trying to raise a functional adult.

If what you're doing isn’t working, clinging to "should" won’t save you.

Adjusting your approach will.

Lesson: Reality Is Your Best Parenting Tool

If your kid isn’t responding, the problem isn’t them.

It’s the method you’re using.

• If they aren’t folding the laundry right after you ask 1000 times? The method isn’t working.

• If they aren’t managing their homework even after endless lectures? The method isn’t working.

• If they still don’t grasp why “respect” matters after every punishment? The method isn’t working.
  

Your job isn’t to wish harder.

Your job is to teach differently until it clicks.

Maybe it’s a new tone.

Maybe it’s a visual tool.

Maybe it’s fewer words and more action.

Reality doesn’t lie.When you pay attention to what's actually happening — instead of what "should" be happening — you find real solutions.

Actionable Takeaway: The "Should Detox" Challenge

Next time you catch yourself thinking "They should...", do this:

1. Pause and describe reality without judgment.

   ➔ What’s actually happening right now?
   

2. Ask yourself: Is my method working?

   ➔ Yes = Keep going.

   ➔ No = Try a new method.
   

3. Make a tiny adjustment.

   ➔ Say it differently.

   ➔ Show it instead of saying it.

   ➔ Ask them to repeat back what they understood.
   

If you treat "should" like a warning sign instead of a command, your parenting will level up fast.

#LetsGetDirty ✨ iParentDirty™